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21 March 2018

Juls Borg- 181 lb Powerlifter Who Went 1504 In His First Meet (And Has Been Strength Training For Less Than A Year)

Jules prior to training and now (before you ask, he's walking around at about 195 these days)

Juls is a 26 year old chiropractic student who makes his living by working as a Krav Maga instructor. After studying law and becoming disgusted with both the legal system and his fellow practitioners, he started to read up on treatment methods for athletes and decided to pursue a bachelor’s and then a master’s degree in the art of breaking someone’s spine.

Besides kicking people in the nuts for a living, he played in 2 death metal bands, one called And I Saw The Desolation (RIP), and Impact36, which he joined in November and replaced the old singer, who had shit vocals and is also a vegetarian.

He’s also an avid Warhammer 40k enthusiast, painting miniatures and annoying people at the Games Workshop with his presence.

I became friends with him over the last year while coaching him in preparation for his first meet, in which he absolutely destroyed his opposition and nearly posted an elite total.

Q: So, bro- you just tore the asshole out of Germany’s best at 181 lbs, right?  What was the meet and what were your lifts?

A: The meet were the nationals of the WPU, the german arm of the GPU. I competed in the 181lbs weight class. I wanted to do it after googling Powerlifting Deutschland when I was 4 months into Destroy the Opposition and being disgusted by the old records, which were lower than my numbers then.

The category I competed in was ‘’classic raw’’, meaning without wraps, which I consider to be an assisting piece of equipment that defeats the purpose of raw lifting. Sleeves were allowed, but I didn’t use them.

After fucking myself up 2 months prior to the meet (I had an accident in a monolift, where I squatted 485 for a single, had my shorts tear and had to shift my weight to the right to re-rack the weight, knocking my hip out of place), I wasn’t able to squat heavy and stuck to belt squats and front squats with the occasional lockouts with 793 lbs. My chiropractor fixed me though, which saved me 2 weeks prior to the meet.

Since I was a bit afraid of fucking up, my opener on the deadlift was 22 lbs lighter as planned, the squat was 44 lbs lighter.

I opened my squat with 440lbs, second attempt at 485 lbs, third attempt at 529 lbs for a PR.
My bench started at 330 lbs, which had the other competitors shitting their pants since I warmed up with 308lbs for a double. After that I benched an easy 374 lbs and got carried away, attempting 407lbs for my third attempt, only to fail halfway through.

My deadlift started at 507 lbs, my second attempt were 551 lbs which flew up easy. I then decided to pull my gym PR, 600lbs, which weren’t hard at all, probably due to the adrenaline, Ferox and ammonia. Fourth attempts weren’t possible during that meet due to time constraints. One of the others dropped 496 lbs on his foot during a sumo pull, which was one of the funnier moments.

I totalled 1504 lbs at my first meet after 9 months of heavy strength training.

Q: Jesus fuck. Only 9 months of heavy training?  Give us a rundown of how you’ve trained over the years.

A: I started with Krav Maga and Escrima 7 years ago, which I did 6 days a week with a 3h intensive course every 3 weeks on Sunday. After getting thrown around a lot since I was 150lbs, I decided to start weight training in mid 2015, although I had no fucking idea what I was doing and no idea how to eat. The trainers at the gym told me to eat a lot of carbs and do a high repetition machine and isolation exercise training, no squatting and deadlifting because of injury risks, no overhead pressing, 10-15 rep range on 4 exercises for 3 sets a day and 4 days a week. No progress was made at all, and I dropped weight training for half a year since it was pointless. I restarted to do the same shit in 2016, this time 5 days a week and trying to squat, which were probably the worst high bar quarter squats you’ve ever seen. In my defense I didn’t use the pussy pad.

After doing a bit of reading I found Layne Norton’s PHAT program, which I did for 3 months, which had me deadlifting for the first time and squatting regularly, where I figured out how to squat like a normal human. In 2017 I wanted a change since I got fed up with the program and the nutrition part was lacking too, since I was still on the high carb train.

I then found this blog, started reading and I was interested by the notion of doing more, going heavy and actually killing yourself in the gym. I started training the way it was outlined in this blog and behold, I was actually making progress, both visually and in the numbers.

It's not just Juls making crazy progress on the APD and Chaos and Pain- his girlfriend, Gina, has dropped 55lbs over the last 6 months using the APD and training her ass off.

Q: How’d you even find out about Chaos and Pain, anyway?

A: It’s actually a quite funny thing. Since I was doing the PHAT routine at the time and going to Krav Maga 5 to 6 times a week, some trainer at my gym said I was overtraining. So I googled ‘’overtraining is bullshit’’. I ended up on reddit of all places, and someone mentioned someone called Jamie Lewis and Chaos and Pain.

Googling that, I found your blog and started reading, I probably devoured the blog in less than 5 days. I was pretty amused by the fact that you shat on vegetarians, nofap, the latter running, as I learned a few days ago, rampant among younger lifters, runners and other assorted vermin.

I then found out you guys were an actual supplement company, and ordered a Ferox off a german reseller. It blew the Hyde I had out of the water.

Q: Ha!  The "assorted vermin" comment has me chuckling.  Redditors generally hate me more than Tara Reid hates sobriety.  That’s amusing.  I’ll have to google the Norton program- I’ve never heard of it.  Anyway, what’s your plan going forward?  Are you planning on competing again soon?  Any fights coming up?

A: I will try to get the 661 lbs in the deadlift until November, besides that my goal is to become stronger, bigger and leaner while not fucking myself up in that piece of shit monolift, which I surely won’t use again. We’ll also try to get the band going, we have an album planned for this year, which is going into pre-production in a few weeks. I will also try to put more emphasis on grinding out knots to prevent injury, which I often forget because I am a lazy bastard who prefers to do other shit at home, and I’d rather shoot myself before I start flopping around on the floor at the gym like some autistic faggot instead of actually training.
My next competition is the European Championship of the GPU, where I intend to rape the rest of the continent in the 181 lbs while totalling at least 1565 lbs.
Krav Maga isn’t competitive, so the only fights I will be having are bar fights or whatever happens at hardcore shows.

Q:  I fucking hate monolifts, too- it's like trying to start a squat while in the middle of a fucking earthquake.  I'd sooner squat standing on a fucking Bosu ball, and that is one hell of a packed schedule you've got on your hands.  Anyway, since you have had such success as a new powerlifter, do you have any advice for a struggling or new powerlifter? Also what do you recommend for bench, since you managed a 180 kg bench in under a year?

Well, the advice I have is the one that I was missing before, eat a shitton of protein and train your ass off, heavy weights and a lot of volume. Also don’t skimp on conditioning, be it sprints, heavy bag work, sleigh drags, whatever. It helped me tremendously with short rest in between sets.

The realization that the lifts are a movement that vary from person to person and that ‘’ideal form’’ is only possible in a textbook was eye-opening for me.

For the bench press, I did a lot of weighted dips, sitting now at 155lbs for 8 sets of 6, with a minute rest in between, whereas on light days I just do 500 bodyweight dips with 15 secs in between. Also treating the close grip bench press as a push accessory instead of a substitute for the bench press helped me with developing tricep strength, which was lagging behind since I didn’t press for a long time due to having a shit program.

The Apex Predator Diet does a body good.

Q: Conditioning, is key?  Interesting- I never do it outside of regular training at a fast pace, but I think that's an excellent point.  Also excellent point about the value of weighted dips- most people (myself included) tend to forget about them.  
 Alright, time to ask the question that every Redditor and poster is fucking screaming at his laptop.  I imagine them just shaking with impotent rage, woozy with exhaustion from the effort of standing and shaking their fist, spittle spraying across the screen as they scream a single word- "STEROIDS!"  If you don't mind, why not go ahead and tell these goofballs why they should take a big step back and literally fuck their own faces.

A: I'm on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) due to an injury I suffered while sparring in Krav Maga.  Without going into all theory, testicle rupturing details, my cup did not save the day one day.  I've been on 200mg of testosterone enanthate for the last three years as a result. 

Q: 200mg of test e a week?  And people say I run crazy low amounts, haha.  I'm sure the aforementioned collection of incels are still going to have "natty or not" convos about you and claim that you can't achieve that level of leanness without "eating clen and trenning hard," but there's nothing to be done about those useless little nofapping fucktards anway.  While we're at it, and I don't give a fuck that this isn't germane to the topic at hand behind the establishment of a particular mindset, how about you give us your favorite book, movie, album, quote, and kink/genre of porn?

A: Nonfiction: Bruce Tegner's Complete Book of Self Defense
Fiction: Unremembered Empire (Warhammer 40k) by Dan Abnett
Movie: Same as you, The Devil's Rejects
Favorite album: This is a tie. Either Erebos by Hate or Destroy the Opposition by Dying Fetus.
Quote: "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."
Porn: Anything when the chick is tied up/restrained/hogtied.

I have no idea what he's talking about.  That exists?

Q:Well, it's time to wrap this up, so how about you tell everyone about your exciting evening the other day, hahaha.  That’s a pretty awesome story.

A: Since I have to drive a lot due to my studies I decided to train at a gym on the way home, which entirely unlit. So I had to walk a narrow path back to my car, in the snow, while wearing a heavy winter jacket which obscured any body details. Considering I couldn’t see much, I pushed the button on my car key to know where I had to go. After arriving to my car, I put my bag on the ground and had someone grab my ass. Thinking that someone tries to steal my wallet, I turned around, hitting whoever in the nose with my right palm and kneeing that person in the stomach and face, only to see someone else run or rather stumble away in the snow. Not bothering to run after the guy I watched the dude lying on the ground and called the police. They took the guy in, asked me around 3 times for a description of the other guy, which I couldn’t give since I didn’t see shit, and told them they should ask the guy they picked off the floor for a description of his buddy. At least they didn’t tell me to accompany them. The two chucklefucks must have thought I was one of the bigger chicks training at that particular gym, since it didn’t play out like a robbery, but more like an attempted rape/groping. According to the police they must have been watching the place, since in the evening, the place is full of women. The cops told me I’ll hear from them, but the incident is a few weeks ago and I didn’t hear anything, same thing as with my bike tires that were stolen 2 years back. I know that I’ll avoid that particular place in the future, non consensual anal sex isn’t on my to-do list in the near future.

Hahahahaha.  Awesome.  Well, there you have it- the man himself explaining how he totaled 1504lbs in his first powerlifting meet.  For those of you who have been following the resurrected Chaos and Pain podcast, Juls is the one who recorded our new intro.  Nothing like having the physique to match your brutal vocals.

Coming up, I've got a baddest motherfuckers, the second part of my long-abandoned training for the apocalypse series, another article about my current methods, and a stewroids article. 

Go be epic.

18 March 2018

Music You Need In Your Playlist (aka most of the Bands That Are In Mine)

As I continually get asked what I listen to while training and for recommendations for new bands, I thought I'd stop what I was writing long enough to give you a bit of an idea of what's going on musically in my life these days.  Basically, my musical interests in general don't stray far from hardcore/deathcore/slam beatdown- I basically only add grime like Scrufizzer and some dubstep to the mix when I'm not in the gym.  That and the Last Podcast on the Left, which is a badass occult, serial killer, and general esoterica podcast you can find on Stitcher, Soundcloud, and iTunes.  

I spend altogether too much time searching for new music, and waaaaay too much time on this article, so recognize when I say Stone Cold Stunner will knock your fucking socks off.

Since I pretty much get constant requests for what is in my playlist, here we go.  I'm just giving you the band names because giving you the individual songs would be ridiculously long and overly arduous and there just seems to be little point to it.  I did link songs and albums for select artists, but I spent waaaaay more time on this than anticipated and didn't have extra time to link more shit.  So what we've got here a rotating bunch of bands including, but not limited to:

25 ta Life - Strength Through Unity and Friendship, Loyalty, Commitment were fucking amazing brutal hardcore albums.  Back in the day, no one had shit on Rick ta Life's vocals, though the man is now a parody of the scene king he once was.

45 Stainless - epic beatdown from Finland.  Don't sleep on this band- they broke up, but both of their albums will have you spinkicking motherfuckers in the middle of Barnes and Noble if you're not careful.

A Night in Texas - Crazy deathcore from down under.

Acacia Strain - the progenitors of downtempo.  There's better downtempo these days, but they're still worth a listen.

Acrania - the first deathcore band I can think of with truly shit-your-pants crazy vocals.

Agnostic Front - moshy 90s hardcore pioneers.

Altars - metallic hardcore

Angel Crew - moshy christian crewcore with crazy breaks

Angelmaker - dual vocalist deathcore that will melt your face

Annotations of an Autopsy - slam beatdown/deathcore.  Their last EP Dark Days has two epic bangers that must be included in your lifting mix- Buried in a Bad Rap and Stage Breaker.  If you dislike either of those song, you might as well just unfollow this fucking blog and go join Curves where you can rock out to Barry Manilow and suck on your own.

Attila - wignorant party deathcore

Backtrack - straight up hardcore with a super 90s feel.

Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza - hardest of the hardcore/bats are on the dancefloor.  If Last One Standing won't get your dick hard, nothing will.

Battlecross - their covers of Hostile and War Ensemble are doooope, but they're generally thrash

Beg for Death - brutal downtempo with pretty fucking depressing lyrics that still somehow manage to pump me the fuck up

Bill the Butcher - you've gotta love any band named after Daniel Day Lewis's character in Gangs of New York.  This is one man band of brutal slam beatdown goodness.

Billy Club Sandwich - 90s toughguy hardcore- Slow With Your Hands needs to be in everyone's lifting playlist.

Bitter Thoughts - toughguy hardcore that sounds like an updated Shutdown.  Old heads like me should get all nostalgic listening to this shit.

Blood for Blood - white trash hardcore you should already know about.

Blood Has Been Shed -  metalcore band with great breakdowns featuring Howard Jones of Killswitch (although BHBS was WAAAAAAY better) and pro mma fighter and 90s hardcore legend Rich Thurston.

Bodybag - Epic beatdown hardcore.  Must have shit for your playlist.

Bodysnatcher - brutal downtempo

Bound in Fear - absolutely fucking boneshaking downtempo

Brawl Between Enemies - super brutal beatdown from Germany with dual vocals.  Great shit.

Brick by Brick - old school hardcore

Broken Humanity - brutal deathcore / toughguy hardcore

Built Upon Frustration - same thing.  Pittsburgh hardcore has a definitive sound.

Built Upon Hatred - brutal slam beatdown with some of the best breakdowns I've ever heard.  Check out this one that starts with one of the best lines out of a movie in the last ten years- the "fuck that, it's a promise" bit from Alpha Dog.

Bulldoze - the OG toughguy hardcore band, from which the term "beatdown" arose

Buried Alive - moshcore band that became Terror

Bury Your Dead - Yeah, I still rock shit from Cover Your Tracks and You Had me at hello.  They used to bring the fucking mosh.

Butcher - beatdown hardcore from Germany

Carbine - slam beatdown like a fucking boss

Clawhammer - even more like a boss than Carbine.  This video explains all you need to know- crowdkill cam for the fucking win.

Clench Your Fist - toughguy hardcore

Cold Blooded Murder - wiggertasticslam beatdown from Mother Russia

Cold Hard Truth - badass UK toughguy/beatdown hardcore with a jacked singer

Cold Hearts - the name of their EP says it all- Violence is the Answer.  Deathcore/slam with a beatdown feel and some unique vocals

Colossal - Kublai Khan-esque brutal hardcore

Crowd Deterrent - old school tough guy hardcore

Cunthunt 777 - gang vocal beatdown from Germany- No Gods, No Masters is a fucking multi-lingual masterpiece.

DCA - French toughguy hardcore along the lines of Cold Hard Truth.

Dead By Wednesday - crazy fucking rapcore from the early oughts.

Deathsinger - beatdown/downtempo brutality

Denihilist - ultra-Satanic downtempo

Desolated - see above

Despised Icon - wigger slam deathcore with dual vocals.

Drowning - POSSIBLY THE BEST HARDCORE BAND IN HISTORY, and fuck you if you disagree.  Beatdown wiggercore you must have.

E-Town Concrete - 90's era rapcore with brutal growls added in for good measure

Earth Crisis - awesome 90's ecoterrorist straightedge hardcore

Easy Money - sick toughguy beatdown from Arizona

Embraced by Hatred - awesome brutal german hardcore.  When I want everyone to back the fuck up in the gym, I open up the pit screaming along with None To like I'm at a show.

Emmure - if you've never heard for Emmure, I don't know how you even found this blog.

Enemy Mind - 90's era tough guy rapcore from Pittsburgh.  Fucking awesome.

Expire - moshcore done right

Fallbrawl - dancy German moshcore

Feign - downtempo / beatdown.  Brutal.  Their Mudvayne cover is fucking ridiculous- just listen through the breakdown and tell me I'm wrong.

Filth - s00per brutal downtempo.  If you listen to this while suicidal, you'll off yourself with either a chainsaw or a broadsword.

First Blood - awesome hardcore featuring members of Sworn Vengeance and Terror.

First Degree - California beatdown.

Full Contact - UK beatdown hardcore

Gassed Up - sick UK grime toughguy rapcore.

Gat-Rot - completely unknown Tucson, AZ dual vocal rapcore band I still rep hard.  We used to go fucking BANANAS at shows when they'd play Where will you go.  I no longer have that EP "Us Versus Them" to my knowledge, but intend to hunt it down.  Their first album is fucking great and up on Bandcamp.

Get the Shot - creossover hardcore with a decidedly 90's feel.  If you like Backtrack, Expire, and

Gift Giver - Badass numetalcore band.  If nothing else, you need these two songs on your playlist- Trendkill and Shitlife.  Seriously, don't sleep on them just because the label makes you cringe- they're the VOD of this era, and their breakdowns are fucking legit.

Goliath - brutal deathcore / downtempo

Hatebreed - you better know about them already. First three albums only for me.

Heavy Heavy Low Low - goofy but brutal I Don't Know What-core.  You'll either love them or hate the fuck out of them, and most of the hardcore scene claims to have beaten up the entire band.

Hed PE - I've had "Not Dead Yet" in my playlist since the song first dropped.  The band is widely variable in quality, so don't go adding their entire discography.

Honest Crooks - brutal deathcore/downtempo

Hoods -  one of my all time favorite hardcore bands.  Tough as fuck, badass breakdowns, and dual vocals like a muhfucka (at least until their last album, which you can avoid).  MUST HAVE.

Horned - Mega-Satanic blackened beatdown out of France.  Another must have, in my opinion.

I Am - Crazy sick downtempo.  CRAZY SICK.

I, Valiance - If Methwitch had a second vocalist who sounded exactly like Starscream from the Transformers and the entire band loved the circus so much they employed a calliope in their music, I, Valiance is what you'd end up with.  Calling this shit insane is like saying that Tara Reid now looks a bit like Michael Jackson's reanimated corpse, only with significantly less acting ability, and I say this under the impression they're Christian and possibly straightedge.  Yeah, they're that brutal.

In Cold Blood - No one has ever heard of this band, and I think they were a side project of Integrity.  Awesome shit, even if you only put one song on your playlist- Pain.  Gotta have that in the mix.

Indigestion - super awesome German slam beatdown band.  Another band that'll have you spinkicking motherfuckers in the mall.  Must have.

Infant Annihilator - brutal technical deathcore with the craziest vocals ever

Ingested - slam beatdown pioneers.

Interrupting Cow - zany technical death metal with great breakdowns

Irate - super sick beatdown hardcore from the late 90s, when we were all wearing basketball jerseys and beating kids in skinny jeans half to death at shows.

Jerome - I never found out where this vocalist went, but the dude was jacked, had fucking amazing vocals, and even better lyrics.  Crazy sick deathcore.  I AM NOT THE ANTI-CHRIST.  I AM JUST A FUCKING KILLER.

Job for a Cowboy - Nothing yet has come along that blows JFAC's first EP "Doom" out of the water.  Shit your pants brutal deathcore with enough BREEs to keep you cool while dying of heat exhaustion.  Rapist-like wit!  W00t!

Kharma - an updated version of Bitter Thoughts that I fucking LOVE.

Killwhitneydead - love em or hate em, this band is awesome and remains one of my favorite bands to gym mosh to.  Here's to pretty girls and breaking the law.

King 810 - settle the fuck down- they have one good song and it's Heavy Lies the Crown

Knocked Loose - Moshy as fuck hardcore.

Kinshasa -These motherfuckers are named after Nakamura's finishing move because they're that fucking brutal.  Here's my review on Bandcamp: BITE THE FUCKING PAVEMENT. This is true beatdown. Whether you're trying to blow out her back wall and need a steady beat to do it or you're looking to curbstomp a yuppie at the mall, this is the shit to which you want to do it. 
Favorite track: Pavement.

Kublai Khan - kind of the gold standard for moshy metalcore these days.

Laid 2 Rest - Ultraviolent beatdown hardcore for the type of person who wants songs about curbstomping motherfuckers.  BRINGING THE VIOLENCE BACK.

Last Ten Seconds of Life - Hit and miss for me, and they switched from deathcore to.. pop(?) recently, but I still rock their older shit.

Liferuiner - Their first album was a gold standard of moshy beatdown, then the band split into two competing versions of the same band and the one that survived fucking blows.  The rest went on to become Recognize, which was a fucking awesome toughguy band.

Limp Bizkit - yeah, motherfucker- I've had Leech in every playlist I've made since that album dropped.

Lionheart - if you don't know, google them.  FTW has been on my playlist for a decade.

Livyah - fucking incredible downtempo.  So brutal.

Lose None - mid oughts beatdown from Cali

Machete 187 - super brutal slam beatdown.  If you want breakdowns, you came to the right place.

Machine Head - though I generally am bored off my tits by this band, Ten Ton Hammer and Blood for Blood never leave my lifting playlist.  Hard-ass numetal fo sho.

Mercy Blow - Machete 187 wasn't brutal enough?  Well then, here's Mercy Blow with guest vox from Charlie of Gunishment, a band so fucking brutal they can't seem to record an album but have AK47 guitars.

Methwitch - brutal slam deathcore with lunatic vocals.  This is must have.

Monsters - moshy deathcore I can't seem to get tired of.

Murder Death Kill - I'm not promising genius lyrics, but this is brutal as fuck beatdown hardcore and they do a mock gang beatdown of ADTR in my favorite of their vids.

Mushmouth - old school PA hardcore legends

Nails - YOU WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US.  Exactly.

Nasty - sick Belgian beatdown hardcore.  So many awesome songs it's hard to pick their best.  Just grab their shit and put it in your mix.

NJ Bloodline - badass old school Jersey rapcore.  Epic, and great guys IRL.

No Altars - crazy brutal satanic beatdown hardcore.  Yeah, satanic beatdown motherfucker.

No Innocent Victim - great moshy 90's Victory hardcore band.

No Second Chance - toughguy hardcore

No Zodiac - Beatdown toughguy hardcore.  Posi Holocaust might be the hardest fucking song of all time.

Omen - pure fucking brutality.  Sort of downtempo/beatdown crossover that makes Acacia Strain seem downright fucking cheerful.  Dem breakdowns doe.

One Life Crew - the least politically correct hardcore band in history.  Gang vocals and shit-talking abound.  Awesome.

Out to Win - the band Mushmouth became.  Also awesome metallic hardcore.

Pitboss 2000 - OLC became Pitboss when they decided to stop being political and just mock cripples and shit.  Hilarious.  E C DUB was a regular chant at their shows, and if you don't know what the fuck 
ECW is, your life sucks.

Plagued By Humanity - br00tal beatdown hardcore.  Shit is basically nothing but breaks.

Primer 55 - the heaviest of all of the numetal bands this side of Slipknot in the early oughts.  Their first album was fucking great, and it'll get you fired the fuck up for a death set on deadlifts.

Pry -  badass downtempo with more varied vocals than most downtempo bands

Psycho Enhancer - there was a time when there were a bunch of beatdown bands that were also about partying.  This would be a prime example, though they're still around.  You've never seen so many people smiling during a beatdown song, haha.

Recognize - I fucking miss this band.  Brutal as shit and bouncy as fuck.  If anyone of you has the album, hook a brother up, because I lost it when my old laptop got stepped on my some lumbering drunk guy weighing about 210 lbs at a height of 5'6" (on a tall day).  

Reduction - German moshcore along the lines of Kublai Khan.

Sever the Fallen - 90's metalcore that has been in my playlists since the era of mix cds.

Shattered Realm - you'd be hard pressed to find a better beatdown band than the original lineup of this band (which is apparently back with their original singer).

Slamcoke - awesome German slam beatdown.  Their best song has practically every good European toughguy band from 5 years ago in it- Fick die bude kaputt, round 2.

Slaughter to Prevail - Deathcore in a demon mask.  What could be better?

Slipknot - Yeah, I put a few songs off their debut and Iowa on my lifting mix.  How could you not include a song in which the breakdown is ONLY ONE OF US WALKS AWAY?

Soulfly - Yeah, most of their music is derivative as fuck.  If you've not listened to their second album, Primitive, in awhile, give that motherfucker a spin.  You will not regret it- I guarantee you'll find something on there worth adding to your playlist. 

Spite -  IF YOU PUT NOTHING ELSE FROM THIS LIST IN YOUR LIFTING MIX, PUT THIS IN.  I don't even know how to classify this band... maybe what Slipknot could have become if they kept getting more brutal after Iowa.  WELCOME TO HELL.

Stampin' Ground - I really only like one of this UK hardcore band's songs, but it's been in every mix for 15 years- Officer Down.  Unique vocals, but I can't really explain why.

Stigmata - old school hardcore with a bit of a 90s beatdown feel.

Stone Cold Stunner - Kinsasha and Stone Cold Stunner are evil twins separated at birth.  Nakamura vs Stone Cold... to the fucking death.  FUCK YOU AND YOUR GO FUNDMES.  Put this in your fucking playlist immediately or you risk having me drop a fucking stunner on you at a fit expo.

Suicide Silence - deathcore band everyone on Earth knows about.  If you don't, google is your friend.

Sworn Enemy - Metalcore/thrash cossover band you should already know about.  Awesome, and needs no explanation.

Sworn Vengeance - Little known but fucking amazing brutal metalcore band, and the guitarist owns 22nd Street Barbell in Des Moines.  Good people, and fucking sick band I started listening to in 2001 after discovering their CD in a little indie record store in San Diego.

Terror - if you've never heard of Terror, just google them for fuck's sake.

The Browning - weird mix of EDM and deathcore that somehow works well.

The Hell - hardcore supergroup with one of the greatest YOLO anthems of all time, Everybody Dies.  MIGHT AS WELL FUCK SHIT UP WHILE WE'RE ALIVE, CAUSE EVERYBODY DIES, EVERYBODY FUCKING DIES.

The Last Charge - awesome toughguy hardcore

The Projects - YOU NEED THIS BAND IN YOUR LIFE.  Toughguy hardcore in a rap mixtape.  Fucking amazing.  This is a side project of Enemy Mind, with the insanity cranked up to 11. 

The Red Chord - crazy awesome (especially their first album) deathcore

The Rest Will Fall - Cali moshcore similar to Recognize and Lose None.

Thick as Blood - moshcore done fucking right.  You won't be disappointed if you put any song on your playlist at random.

Third Rail - Brutal PA beatdown hardly anyone knows about, but everyone should.

Those Who Fear - Yeah, they're Christian, but they're brutal fucking downtempo.

Throwdown - Before these guys became a Pantera cover band, they were one of the hardest moshcore bands ever.  If you listen to their first 4 albums and first 2 EPs, you'll see what I'm mean.  Sickness.

Thy Art is Murder - If you don't put Whore To A Chainsaw onto your playlist, then fuck you.

Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza - utterly insane technical metalcore.

Trash Talk - awesome powerviolence.  Shit like Walking Disease always makes it into the mix.

True Temper - beatdown brutality with 90's era vocals and slam/downtempo breakdowns

Turmoil - 90's metallic hardcore legends

Unite and Conquer - if you only add one of their songs, make it Go Fuck Yourself.

Until the End - awesome late 90s/early oughts dual vocal hardcore.

Upon a Burning Body - I only like their first album, but it's great metallic hardcore in the vein of Kublai Khan.

Vampirecunt - amazing and hilarious slam beatdown out of what appears to be the most white trash people ever filmed.

Waking the Cadaver - greatest wigger slam band in the history of the genre, and they'll never be beaten.

War from a Harlots Mouth - crazy technical German metalcore with brutal breaks.

Warhound - if nothing else, you need one song from this band in your playlist- Next Level 
Demonstration 2013.  "All you dumb motherfuckers can keep running your fucking mouths.  You're only making us fucking stronger.  We live for this.  We do this fucking lifestyle.  When you're gone, we'll still be here till the death.  You wonder why none of you have allegiance either.  Everyone complains.  Everyone's got something to say.  That doesn't mean shit unless you do shit, so go do some fucking work."

Wicked World - super brutal sort of numetalcore.  Good shit.

Within Destruction -  SLAM AS FUCK.  Women could miscarry listening to this shit.

Words of Concrete - brutal beatdown out of East Germany.  Their new shit is doooope.

World of Pain - FUCKING SICK beatdown hardcore.  Their entire s/t should be in your playlist, but if nothing else, you need Suffer in there.

World of Tomorrow - German fucking beatdown.  If this shit doesn't do it for you, you might be dead.  Essential.

xDisciplex AD - badass Christian toughguy hardcore band from the late 90s.

xKingx - downtempo that got tuned to the lowest audible register.

xTexas Chainsaw Massacrex - Deathcore bordering on slam, xTCMx has the best of both worlds- badass breaks and actually intelligible vocals.  I love pig squeals far more than most, but whatever the nomenclature used for slamming death metal vocals is, I despise that shit.  These guys bring the fucking insanity with super downtempo breaks and basically sound like what you'd imagine Leatherface would listen to for lullabies.  Warning: Failure to appreciate the brutality of this band may result in a severe drop in free and serum testosterone.

xToiletFlushx - hilarious and insanely good slam beatdown.

Years Spent Cold - super toughguy beatdown

So there you go- that's what essentially comprises my current lifting playlist.  Between that and Tumblr porn, you should have PRs flowing like cum in a gangbang.

Speak up the comments and tell me why I'm fucking wrong, who I forgot, etc.  Bring the hate, motherfuckers.

15 March 2018

Nothing Is True; Everything Is Permitted: Part 2

Having grown up in the hardcore scene of the 1990s, the DIY ethic was as deeply instilled in me as horse cock in a My Little Pony fan during a party in Mexico.  For those of you who think DIY started with HGTV and home improvement shows, it actually arose out of the punk scene and then got co-opted by midwestern housewives.  Instead of mousy, over-eager women, the DIY culture was initially nothing but smelly fuckers who used that shitpile crystal deoderentno one liked at shows used to sell terrible vegan baked goods and print zines giving info about the punk (and later the hardcore) scene.  Because those genres of music weren't popularly accepted, there was no other way to get info on the scene, so these little do-it-yourself magazines provided us with info on upcoming shows, reviews about albums we probably hadn't heard (with a horrifying emphasis on krishnacore in the zines I generally read), and a whole spate of political commentary so left leaning that even Bernie Sanders would have called the writers fucking communists.

They might like terrible music, but crust punk broads are so fucking hot it defies my ability to describe them.

In spite of their ridiculous socio-political and religious leanings, those unwashed, crust punk loving gutter trash had a do-it-yourself ethic that would make even the most robust and well-prepared survivalist nut seem like a collectivist pussy by comparison.  They slapped together those zines using xerox machines and typewriters, illustrating the things with their own hand and selling them as diligently and arduously as any salesman in the history of commerce.  That ethic so permeated the scene that there was no thought of bands having managers or roadies, or any other crutch or convenience that a band today has.  Beyond that, we'd make our own bootleg merch to support bands we liked that lacked shirts to buy, just to show our love.  Everything we did was DIY as fuck, and we were all better people for it.

“We do not aspire to communal life but to a life apart.”
- Max Stirner

So where does this take us?  Create your own fucking system.  Stop following the motions of others and be innovative.  Like the occultists Michael Ford and Phil Hine; pioneering martial artists like Edward Barton-Wright, Bruce Lee, and Al Decascos; and like the numberless lifters throughout history who managed to build super strength without the aid or opinion of a single other soul, I like to experiment with a lot of different systems and use them as they seem appropriate.  Thus, I'll switch between bodybuilding, bodyweight, powerlifting, and strongman in the same workout.  Why anyone would think that combining the different disciplines would do anything other than improving their physique and overall strength I will never know, but with the spate of ridiculous sport-specific training programs floating around, it seems that what was once a standard for training (and during which time both powerlifting and Olympic Weightlifting were far more competitive) has become for many on the internet a bizarre and laughable sidenote.

If there's a single person claiming to have the balls to call this motherfucker a manlet to his face, I would die of fucking shock at the stupidity of the act and the brazenness of their lie.

Why any male human being totaling under 1200 in the power lifts would think he is above anything training-wise at all is a mystery we will likely never solve.  It does illustrate, however, that a pack of hoopleheads sharing "information" they've gleaned from often shit-dog and generally disreputable sources on internet forums avail themselves of nothing other than the abject fucking stupidity of the average intellect.  Certainly, it bears saying that a focus on one of the disciplines makes sense, lest one become a jackass of all and a master of none, but a mere focus in one hardly precludes participation.  Furthermore, it 
"is worth going into a system in some depth, so that you become more or less competent (and confident) with it, but magicians tend to find that once you’ve become competent in one system, then it’s easier to get to grips with another one. If you’re fairly experienced with Enochian for example, then you shouldn’t have too much difficulty with the Runes" (Hine 18)
One needs look no further than a guy like Phil Grippaldi (the "manlet" pictured above) for evidence of this.  Perhaps the greatest presser in the history of that Olympic lift, Grippaldi boasted a physique that would leave every Redditor wailing and gnashing their teeth, moaning about steroids as their tongues lolled at the sight of the man's retarded 20 inch arms.  Maybe 20 inch arms are common in your gym, but I think I've only seen a couple of sets in my life, and they weren't possessed by a guy weighing less than 200 lbs.  Grippaldi included all kinds of bodybuilding and powerlifting in his training, and his lifts and physique serve as substantiation of this phenomenon.  If you need more evidence, just look at Ronnie Coleman, pretty much any strongman ever, Kirk Karwoski... the list goes on and one.  So shut the fuck up about how bodybuilding is useless shit because that lie is more tired than I am of fucking hearing it.

I was gonna post a pic of a pre-gear bodybuilder who was also an accomplished weightlifter, but in my search for a pic I stumbled across Reddit and conversations so fucking insipid that I decided to post a pic of how I'd like the profile pics of the conversations' participants to look.  Seriously, I want "natty or not" pussies to impregnate a woman so I can rip it out of her womb and beat them to death with the corpse of their unborn children.

Which brings us, in a very long-winded and roundabout way, to how I decide to train and diet the way I do.  This series was actually spawned by the following conversation, which I might as well impart just to cut through further bullshit. 
Q: Man, I’m really curious about your thought process, like do you just come up with stuff and try it?  How do you know what to eat? 
A: Yesterday, I ate 2 lbs of baby back ribs, a shitload of korean bbq, a couple of bowls of rice doused in sriracha, and a couple of protein bars.  Why?  Because I was fucking hungry, and I've been training like a maniac, and that's what I needed. 
Some of it I come up with and try, like the rowing I've been doing a couple of times a week.  The rest of it I just go fucking crazy in the gym and figure out why it worked thereafter.  Why it worked is generally simple, though- it really comes down to effort.  
Diet is a little more intellectual, as I keep a sort of running total of grams of protein and calories as I go.  And no, I don't use any of those stupid fucking apps- I do the math in my head, like an adult with dignity and self respect.  This shit is so fucking simple I'm hard-pressed to expand on it further. 
Q: How much time do you give an idea to know if it works? 
A:  Lol.  Are you serious?  It always works- the only time shit doesn't is when I am doing something I know for a fact doesn't suit me, like training in the 10-12 rep range all the time.  That's why I can't figure out how the fuck you people suck at it so hard.   
I could win a local meet coming out of a coma, and I look better getting out of bed after two years of sporadic training, no dieting, and drinking at an essentially suicidal rate because when I train, I go ten times as hard as you could ever conceive and even train harder on my off days than just about anyone I've seen on a "hard" day.  When I eat, I eat to grow- this is not fucking rocket science.   
If you think you've gone as hard as you can go, go fucking harder the next time.  You're basically indestructible, and most people will never even reach a fifth of their potential, just because they think they can't go harder.  And I don't want to hear about steroids and genetics and whatever other paltry fucking excuse you might have- you go to a Penn State wrestling camp and do three-a-days, plus lifting and running, and then tell me you go hard in the gym.  Everyone's a fucking pussy, and that's why they suck. 
Eat meat.  Lift heavy as fuck.  Jerk off a bunch.  Repeat.  It's that fucking simple.
So there you have it- you don't need a plan for shit.  Less talky.  More doey.

Juls Borg- metal as fuck and breaking fools while their bitches drool.

In the next one I'll actually go into my diet of late a bit, but before that I'll have an interview with a guy I coached over the last year to a 1504 raw total at 181 in hist first meet... nine months into training.  It is that fucking easy, people.

27 February 2018

Just Settle The Fuck Down And Bodybuild, Bro- Probably The Last "Ask The Asshole", Ever

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, but no matter what time that clock says, Jeff Dunham is never fucking funny.  Jeff Dunham's effect on a comedy show is very much like an ebola outbreak's effect on Central Africa tourism- you only head toward it if your goal is to stamp out the infection and cart away dead bodies.

In the past I would publish articles in a series called "Ask The Asshole" but as the questions began to resemble each other more and more, and my answers became basically rote repetitions of one another, I abandoned the series.  You might think that I would enjoy posting my hilarious repartee with people who should never publicly utter these questions, but frankly I've grown so weary of answering stupid questions that most days I've got less funny in me than a dialogue between Howie Mandel and Jeff Foxworthy scripted by that hideously uncomedic fucktard with the puppets.  Until now, that is, because if I can't laugh in the face of a coming apocalypse fueled by gun-toting, unfuckable autists, idiotic partisan politics, hyper-emotional responses to trivial events, and the fact that "e-sports" are likely going to be in the next Winter Olympics, I might as well just eat a fucking frisbee and get it over with.

"Gurrrrl, I gotta wear a belt in the grocery store because I look hot in it, right?  Right?!?!  Bro, why's she laughing?  Quick!  Someone post a pic of me on Insta so I can get validationnnnn..."

That's not to say I don't like helping people out- I give out more free training advice than all of the dudes in Rogue gear scamming on hot chicks at the gym combined, only the advice I give is actually sought out and appreciated.  It's frustrating, however, when the answer is so often the same.  As such, I'm just going to post this in hopes that people will actually read it and take it to heart.

If you look like this, you're not a powerlifter or any other kind of strength athlete.  Stick to convincing idiotic Midwesterners to stab each other and leave the weightroom to people who belong there.

Let's start with competing- most people probably shouldn't bother.  If you're an adult male over 170 lbs and you're not in the 300-400-500 (bench-squat-deadlift) club, DON'T EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT COMPETING IN POWERLIFTING.  I don't know what the equivalent is in oly, but I'm sure such a standard is available online.  There are too many of you goofballs running around with truly mediocre lifts asking for advice like "should I cut to 181?  I'm SIX FUCKING FEET TALL and bench well under 300."  I'm not going to use the word manlet, but if you're over 5'6", you should be in the 198s or higher.  And you should be far stronger than you are before you compete, anyway- the definition of the word compete is to "strive to gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others who are trying to do the same," so if your lifts such, you're not competing.  Instead, you're putting your weakness on public display for no apparent reason.   

If your diet doesn't involve decent amounts of barbecue, you're probably weaker than an anemic kitten and have the physique of a prepubescent girl.

That brings us to my next point- I highly doubt any of you are eating enough.  Before you start protesting about how you get fat if you eat too much, you're eating too little and training too little.  I've written pretty much endlessly on weight gain diets, and yet I still get absurd questions about cutting when people are tall and skinny.  Or short and skinny.  Either way, it's fucking stupid- if you want to be strong, eat to get strong.  Leaning out is the easy part.  Getting obscenely strong and jacked is by far and away the hard part- if it wasn't, you would see far more guys in the gym benching over 500 with guts, rather than a bunch of pussies in spandex struggling with 225.

With eight weeks of starvation and maybe four lackluster days a week a Planet Fitness, you too could have this body!  InB4 Redditors start whining about gear.

I'll repeat that one more time- if getting lean was the hard part and getting strong and huge was the easy part, there'd be a lot less Zyzz and a lot more Eddie Hall in every gym in the country.  Any pussy who loves the stairmill and hates rare steak can get a six-pack.  Hell, asceticism of every stupid fucking variety is in vogue now with the alt-right, bitch-made neo-stoics, and whatever other variety of pussy who cannot control the extent of his or her indulgences is running around.  Not doing shit is easy- it's the lazy fucker's way of attempting to be interesting.

Asceticism is for pussies, not feral executioners stalking the Iron Abattoir.
"A contemporary physique star, Bobby Pandour (1876-1914), was an athlete in several senses of the term.  A fellow strongman remembered visiting Pandour one morning at his friend's Parisian hotel room.  There he found the strongman lounging in his pajamas and surrounded by a large, animated crowd of ladies clad only in their diaphanous negligees.  The strongman was apparently none the worse for wear despite a performance that must have been every bit as exhausting as the one he did on stage" (Chapman 75).

Name a single awesome lifter or generally bad motherfucker who was an ascetic.  You can't.  Big personalities have big appetites and do great things.  Case in point: the first man to bench press 600 lbs, squat 800 lbs, and total 2000 lbs in a powerlifting meet was Pat Casey.  Pat Casey trained more in a day than most people train in a week, and he ate enough food to feed a sub-Saharan African family for a month.  Think you eat enough?  Pat Casey ate gargantuan amounts of food and then chugged 4-6 quarts of whole milk every day just to round out his calories.  That's 2400 to 3600 calories and 128 to 196 grams of protein a day just from his milk, and it was nothing for bodybuilders of the day to eat 6000 to 9000 calories a day to pack on mass (Roach).  Are any of us consuming a full day's worth of calories as an afterthought, on top of massive meals?  I highly doubt it, because if we were, there'd be far more XXL shirt in our gyms rather than mediums.

"Casey’s early ambition was simple: hoist ever heavier poundage, grow larger and ever more muscular. His continual training and his copious consumption of calories had an incredible effect on his physique. The more he ate, the larger he grew; the larger he grew, the stronger he became; the stronger he became, the hotter his young male metabolism raged. Pat drank six quarts of whole milk each day in addition to eating everything he could lay his hands on. It was reported in Muscle Builder magazine that Casey used to stop and eat a packed lunch (“meatloaf sandwiches smothered in mayonnaise”) during his day-long iron sessions.'"
"He mimicked what he saw [the gym rats] perform: lots of exercises, lots of sets, marathon training sessions, training the same muscles three times a week. Those endurance weight training sessions beat the chubby Irish boy into shape. Pat thought nothing of spending all day in the gym, doing whatever suited his fancy, taking as long as he needed between sets to rest and fully recover" (Gallagher). 

After Casey hit a 615 bench in competition with a two-second pause, broke the 800 lb squat barrier and the 2000 total barrier in the same meet, he retired from competition.  Know what he did then?  He cut bodyweight and was a non-competitive bodybuilder for the remainder of his life.  Training just two days a week he was able to maintain most of his muscle and rock a physique most lifters would sell their sister into sexual slavery for because he'd already put in the hard work of getting huge.  See where I'm going with this?  Get big as fuck- leaning out is the easy part, and you and your bullshit about how hard it is to shed weight can go fuck yourself because he only person who believes that bullshit is your bitch ass.

How I generally feel when answering a question and am told I don't understand something about the special snowflake asking my opinion.  You're not special.  This does not require any mathematics or chemistry.  It is all much, much more simple than you would like to think.  You just dislike the answer because it's not 10 fucking minute abs.

This brings us to my final point, to which there are absolutely no exceptions- if you are a strength athlete and are stalled out, burned out, frustrated, injured, coming off a meet, or coming back off a layoff, you should give some strong consideration to doing some bodybuilding for a while.  I cannot count the number of times someone has asked me a question about what to do, all in a fucking panic about what will happen to this lift or that lift because of whatever the fuck mundane shit they're freaking the fuck out about has happened, and my response is always the same- settle the fuck down, bro, and just bodybuild.  That's it.

Step 1.  
SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN.  It ain't that deep, as they say.  If you're not that big or strong anyway, who fucking cares if a lift slides a bit?  And if you are really big and strong, the shit will come back in short order.

Step 2.  
Leave your house and go to one of those old-fashioned book stores.  You know, the ones so old timey that everything in them wasn't written by some know-nothing anonymous douchelord on the internet.  Buy a couple Flex mags, or some Muscular Developments.  Then take them home and read them at your leisure, while you're scarfing hamburgers because you need the calories and protein to grow.  From those magazines you can get at least one, if not more, interesting workouts that are certainly different from what you've been doing.  For a month, do that shit.  No conjugate fuckery, no goddamned RPEs, just lift weights, and try new shit.  Find out what tiny muscle groups you can engage with machines and cables and train them.  Fix your muscular imbalances.  And most of all, discover the great, wide, wonderful world that lays before you when actually give yourself options and explore them.

If you really want to melt your mind, do some research about the way Bob Cicherillo trained.  The man did absolutely no compound movements of any kind and was a fucking mountain.  Try the super slow (10/10) method Ken Hutchins invented that was crazy popular in the 60s to bust plateaus.  Read up on Peary Rader's old shit.  Download some shit off Sandow Plus and use that, or jump on The Tight Tan Slacks Of Dezso Ban and try some of the shit you read there.  During that time, don't pay any fucking attention to anything anyone says about anything training or diet related on the internet (including me).  Just research and do your own thing and stop getting caught up in the great big bag of bullshit the internet age has turned lifting into, because lifting weights and getting jacked actually used to be fucking fun.  Seriously- it really was.

May your next gym experience be this awesome.

You're only as smart as your dumbest idea, but if you don't think at all, you're just fucking retarded.  Think about how you're going to slaughter the weights before you enter the killing ground.


Chapman, David.  Sandow The Magnificent.  Chicago: University of Illinois, 2006.

Roach, Randy.  Splendid specimens: The history of nutrition in bodybuilding.  Westin A. Price Foundation.  14 Dec 2004.  Web.  27 Feb 2018.

Wilhem, Bruce.  Pat Casey- Part One.  The Tight Tan Slacks of Dezso Ban.  24 Apr 2008.  Web.  27 Feb 2018.

Wilhem, Bruce.  Pat Casey- Part Two.  The Tight Tan Slacks of Dezso Ban.  28 Apr 2008.  Web.  27 Feb 2018.